40. MARRIED LIFE:
We have a lot of marriage problems in America.
This affects our children, and all of society, why?
What we really need to start doing, is to teach “married living” as classes in High School,
talking honestly to our young people about what to expect as obligations of “each”
Many claim "attending Church" gave young people instruction in Marriage,
that sounds good, but, I attended church as a young man, and ALL I ever heard was
don't have SEX until you're married.
My parents didn't tell me a thing about Marriage.
We need honest discussion about raising children.
Honest discussion about Budget in the marriage.
The worst damage to marriage is laziness.
Not just one partner, but what each partner expects the other partner to do,
work and make enough money for a normal existence,
and keeping house, if one spouse stays home as the home maker.
Unspoken anger festers and partners don't discuss this, this is the end of any relationship,
the Husband usually is the Breadwinner, a true test of love is when partners stay together to weather financial problems. Many many women leave the relationship "IF they feel they
are not being supported financially as they expected".
Were they ever in love or was it only:
"If you don't support me as I feel I deserve, I'm out of here".
Marriage is a “partnership”, with each person required to share EQUALLY.
I know this is hard, but romance aside, unless each PARTNER gives TOTAL attention
to this unique part of life, failure is a given.
There is about a 50% chance of divorce in the first 7 years and again at 25 years.
50% of all marriages fail in the first 7 years,
because people married for the wrong reason.
99% of men married for Sex.
Only 1% of women married for Sex.
99% of women married for security, and companionship.
This is a bad way to start a lifetime commitment,
so our young people believe Romance will suffice, WRONG.
So many partners stay together “FOR THE CHILDREN”,
then decide this must be someone somewhere that is the magic partner.
So after the children have left the home, DIVORCE is on the agenda .
It doesn’t get better, and many remarry for another 2 years and DIVORCE again,
Divorce is not the solution.
How many older couples do you know that are truly HAPPY? Why.
Unless you are one of the wealthy citizens who can spend Millions on toys,
a budget in marriage is most important to start with.
For both partners agreeing on expenses beyond basic expenses,
housing, food, utilities, and transportation needed to gain employment.
Medical care must be part of the budget, if not employee provided,
then your budget must cover this as necessary,
before you buy that car you really want, or TV or other luxuries.
The government does not owe you your basic needs,
the government does not owe you anything other than a secure border,
a safe neighborhood,
and to protect you from the New World Order, that will make all of us poor.
Most young people have the belief that Romance is all that’s needed to get married.
The older we get the more we realize how false that is.
The irresponsible life we may lead as a single person, cannot continue in marriage,
when you make a commitment to get married,
marriage means a partnership,
that each of you build together,
that makes being together, a hopefully better life in the long run.
Marriage is a hard adjustment, when “arguing, and financial conditions” destroys love;
marriage, and children suffer.
Some families give their children some answers before marriage;
but all too often this isn’t done, “or wanted” by our young people.
If there isn’t family help when babies arrive, that very stressful condition
overwhelms our young people.
We really must start to help these young people handle real life problems.
Let me make this statement, Children need a family, a father and mother,
children born to couples that are committed to the relationship.
Family is essential to a stable home, children raised in a home with only one parent
grow up believing that the opposite sex partner is not needed, or respected.
Remember as a single parent, every negative statement you make about the opposite sex
in the presence of your child, affects the attitude your child will have when they become ADULTS,
looking for a partner to share life with.
Do you put down the opposite sex?
Were you a good example to begin with?
Our nation will survive best with committed relationship families.
What we really have, are many people married, who are not in LOVE.
Let's face it folks, we think we are in love, and passionately
want the closeness of the opposite sex in our lives,
but when realism sinks in,
we know deep down that we are not unconditionally in love.
We stay married out of guilt, and the need to have someone close,
but then resent many obligations that marriage requires.
This only leads to problems as we finally get the children raised and out of the house,
then the marriage ends,
as we each think "a better life is out there somewhere".
It usually isn’t, but: we don’t know that, until we try for that better life,
and find we usually had it all along.
We just have great expectations,
been conditioned to believe we deserve better,
and that if only we had the “right” spouse, or more money,
things would be wonderful. Good Luck.
Here again we need full employment, at a wage that enables families to survive,
not many single persons earn enough to support a family
in a decent life style, that they want, and can’t afford.
I would hope that membership in a church “of your choosing” might help
in teaching our citizens more about getting along with each other.
It’s wonderful to have love; we need more love in our lives.
Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition; each partner must give 90%.
Unfortunately there are a lot of married couples that are not happy,
and only stay together for the children, or financial reasons.
Ask some of your friends in total confidence, just how happy they are.
We Americans need help to find a happier life, and to live with what we can’t change.
The best way to start on that is for each of us to have employment,
with a living wage, that is only possible with a good education to start with.
So much we want to do in life depends upon that education
that I keep harping about,
if we don’t build a good start in life;
it follows that we don’t achieve our desired goals.
So we need to start at an early age,
to plan, so we can enjoy adult life,
with a partner if we so choose, that we love and respect.
We are not all going to be rich, but at what level are we going to be happy?
Most of us want what we call a middle class life style.
What is middle class?
Usually to afford a home, in a neighborhood that is safe,
with decent furnishings, enough food for the family to not go hungry,
transportation needed to get to work, to enjoy a bit of vacation time each year,
to have security.
Each of us have to have a budget, to pay the essentials in life,
and resist getting in debt that we can’t get out of.
Debt drives down our standard of living.
Items purchased, that put you in debt, are not essential,
if it destroys your life happiness.
Marriage only can survive with respect for each other.
Don’t cheat, when you say, “till death do us part”, work on it, and mean it.
Will America ever have Middle Class citizens again,
not likely for the next 20 years, unless we save America NOW.